The Realm of the Verbal Processor

Jarvis's Ramblings

Did that change your plans?

Last year, my oldest daughter (who is now 8 years old) asked me to teach her how to play chess. I’m not very good, but I taught her what I know. She enjoys playing and never makes a mistake moving the pieces. She hasn’t figured out the strategy of getting multiple pieces working together to get a checkmate, but she has fun. We play a few times a week.

Last week we were playing, and I looked at the board knowing what I had set up and what her tendencies were and told her, “In four moves I will have you in checkmate.” She quizzically looked at the board, said “ok” and moved her knight. I then moved my bishop. She then took her knight and killed my queen. Then she innocently looked up and with perfect voice inflection asked, “Did that change your plans?” My wife who was sitting behind me on the couch cracked up laughing.

That was excellent! I gave her a high five…and then spent the next twenty minutes re-tasking my remaining pieces to get her in checkmate…without the queen!

October 3, 2007 Posted by | comedy, kids | | Leave a comment

Thinking about choices

Recently Julie was in Wal Mart going through the self-checkout lane. In front of her was a teenage couple purchasing a box of condoms…trying to sneak through without being seen. Well…Julie saw them…here’s how the conversation went.  

Julie (to the guy): Does her dad know?

Guy [stammering in disbelief that someone would actually say something]: Uh, uh, uh…

Julie (to the girl): Does your dad know?

Girl [also stammering]: Uh, uh, uh….I’m 18!

Julie:  Is your Dad okay with this?

Girl: Uh…he wouldn’t care.

Julie: Really? Can I have his phone number so I can call and ask him?

Girl: Uh, uh, uh…

Julie [turning to the guy]: I’m a Mom, and if she were my daughter…I’d hurt you. 

Keep in mind, my wife is not an intimidating person…she’s 4’11” and sub-100 pounds. This little couple knew they were doing something they shouldn’t…as evidenced by their trying to hide what they were doing. Julie simply cared enough about them to try to get them to think about the choices they were making.

October 3, 2007 Posted by | comedy, life | | 1 Comment


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