The Realm of the Verbal Processor

Jarvis's Ramblings

Loved enough to fight for

Last Friday night Julie and I were out at an outdoor mall area in Orlando. On one of our stops I stayed in the car while Julie went into a store. I was people watching while she was inside. In particular I was noting a bunch of teenage kids who were all over the sidewalk. A bunch of them were being goofy and acting weird. A few were intentionally getting in people’s way…harassing them. At that point it occurred to me that Julie was going to have to walk through the middle of them to get back to the car. I had no sooner thought that, when I saw Julie coming my direction. I turned the key off and had my hand on the door handle watching to see what was going to happen…ready to jump out to her rescue if needed. Thankfully they ignored her as she walked by.

When she got in the car, I let her know what had been going on, and what I had been prepared to do. She told me that her whole life before meeting me she had always wanted the guys she dated to be willing to defend her…to fight for her if necessary. She didn’t want them to have to fight…she just wanted to know that they would. She wanted to know that she was valuable enough to be fought for.

Julie…you are very deeply loved. Yes, you are very valuable to me. Yes, I will defend you. Yes, I will fight for you if necessary. I’m glad it wasn’t necessary last week. But know this…your husband was and is ready to do battle for you.

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November 15, 2007 Posted by | life, relationships | , | 2 Comments

Love Letters

For my wife and I, there are a couple of months where the 26th day of the month is special…her birthday and our anniversary both fall on the 26th day of different months. I decided to start doing something special on the 26th of every month…writing a love letter to Julie. Not digital…on paper.

I bought a Moleskine notebook specifically for this purpose. Starting on Julie’s birthday, I wrote her a love letter…front and back of one page. I set a recurring task in Outlook to remind me on the 22nd of each month to start thinking about the letter. Each month I write another letter in the book, and on the 26th, I put it somewhere where she will find it as she goes about her day. There are 240 pages in the book. 12 months per year. 1 page per letter. That’s 20 years worth of letters. We will be celebrating 32 years of marriage that year. I’ll buy another book at that point.

One of the cool things about this process has been that it forces me to slow down, sit down, and think about how to express the love I have for Julie. Let’s face it…as guys, we tend to default to grunts as communication tools. Surprisingly, women don’t tend to respond positively to grunts. The letter gives me the opportunity to think not only of what I love about Julie…but also how to express it. I know that Julie has enjoyed the letters, but honestly I think I have benefited more from them than she has…it has caused me to be a better husband. 

I forget exactly where I first got this idea, but it has been a great experience. Today being the 24th of the month, I sat down this morning and wrote the letter that I get to deliver on Friday. It may have been my best work yet. I’m looking forward to blessing her with it!

October 24, 2007 Posted by | life, relationships | , | Leave a comment

Being a Student of Your Spouse

For years I have made the statement…once you get married…your full time job for the rest of your life is to be a student of your spouse. You need to get in their head and heart and know…and I mean KNOW…what makes them tick. You need to learn what speaks to their heart. You also need to learn what injuries they have received from others in the past…whether intentional or unintentional…small or large. Seemingly small things to us could be much bigger to them.

Then…as you are going along…you figure out how to apply that knowledge. What can you do with that knowledge to build into your spouse? On the opposite end, you also need to know what things to stay away from that will cause pain of some form. In doing those things, you will become much more intentional in seeking out how you can best love your spouse.

May 18, 2007 Posted by | relationships | , | Leave a comment